Tell us your funniest relationship disaster story.
Daily Post: Third Rate Romance
Preface: The following which you are about to read is a piece of fiction inspired by a dream I had this morning. The reason I chose fiction is that every relationship I have been in has been a disaster, and honestly would be rather boring.
One Sweet Night at Club Vindaloo
“It was her idea. The whole disaster was her fault.” I said not trying to hide my angst.
“Calm down and go over what happened.” The man’s face was calm. It was like looking at serenity personified.
“It started last Friday. My girlfriend wanted to go to the opening of that new club, Vindaloo. She said I needed to stop being such a hermit and get out more.”
“That seemed like reasonable advice.”
“You haven’t seen me dance.”
“Oh, I can imagine that was quite a pretty picture, indeed.” I thought I heard a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
“It would have been, if I ever got that far. I wanted to stop and look at some puppies on the way. So we took separate vehicles to the club. That’s where I met Samwise. He was a cute pug puppy, I just had to have him. I walked out carrying a little puppy in a bundle and then I headed to the club.”
“Why did you do that? Buy the puppy, I mean.”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” It really had.
I watched the man as he scribbled some notes on his pad. He looked up at me and said, “Go on.”
“Right, so Samwise and I enter the club. I smuggled him in my pocket.”
“Wait, the club just let you in?”
“Yeah, I’m awesome!” I would have thought that detail was pretty obvious. “I find my girlfriend surrounded by all these guys fawning over her. I go up to her and she is angry. Saying I’m late and no good. It was really rather embarrassing.”
“I imagine it would be.”
“She threw her drink in my face, that is the point when Samwise escaped. He wriggled free and started running around on the floor. I tried to catch him but he was soon lost in the crowd.” I stopped to take a drink of water. After taking a few sips, I then continued my narrative, “It was at this point when I noticed my wallet, cellphone and car keys were missing. I started to panic. I went back over to my girlfriend’s table to see if my missing items were there. Of course the whole group was still laughing at my expense. I asked them if they had seen my items but they responded no.”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but you are going somewhere with this?”
“Yes. Well I went to go back out to my car to see if I left the items there, just in time to see my car being impounded.”
“Yes, yes it is. I went back into the club to find my girlfriend to see about giving me a ride home. Her new harem, for lack of a better word, told me she went to the ladies room. So I went there.”
“Yup, just walked right in. I wasn’t having the best night so far. A bunch of screaming women went out. I yelled out her name and asked if I could get a ride.”
“What did she say?”
“I believe her word choice was, ‘Drop dead!’”
The man gave a twitch and then scribbled more notes on his pad and then nodded for me to continue.
“That’s when I spied Samwise. I did the only logical thing and took my pants off to throw over him, kind of a net trap.”
“Your pants? Why not your shirt?”
“Right, so it was the second most logical thing. I threw my pants over Samwise but he just snatched them up and dragged them outside the bathroom. I followed of course. That’s when it happened.”
“What happened?” The man asked.
“Well, I plowed right into a very large man, which had a bit of a domino effect and his girl fell to the floor.”
“Oh ouch, bad news that.”
“Yes, very. He went to hit me just as I dove after Samwise and my pants, hitting another large dude in the face.That was the moment when the brawl started.”
“What an interesting tale.”
“Quite. Yes, officer that is how I ended up here in your interrogation room.”
“It really isn’t your night, is it?” He asked.
I sighed. It really wasn’t.